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You know, that planet of yours down there is getting pretty packed, and sadly that lazy slut Mother Nature just can’t be bothered to thin the herd these days.  This is why I invited abortions.  I found that the simplest solution to the problem was to let you legally murder kids… sounded like a solid plan to me but nooo, my psychotic followers had to go over the line again.

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22

Apr

2009

See you in hell, Hilton.

By God. Posted in Hi I'm God | 1 Comment »

Adding to the massive amount of people that are going to hell,  Perez Hilton.

For the following crimes:
- Being a hypocrite.
- Looking like a goomba from Mario Bothers. ©
- Acting like a douche canoe.

He will be sat alongside such faces as Adolf Hitler and Paul McCartney.


1 Comment »  

18

Apr

2009

Why cant you morons drive?

By God. Posted in Hi I'm God | 3 Comments »

Honesty, why cant any of you Christians or Catholics drive?  Is there something in your genetics that makes you completely useless to society on whole and part?  If one were to make a check list obtaining the overwhelming qualities of anyone that thinks I am going to save them it would go something along the lines of this;

·         Unaccetpable of belief systems based off logcal though.

·         Overly critical about trivial humor in the media.

·         Sociopathetic tendencies.

·         ABSOLUTLY NO FUCKING DEPTH PROCEPTION.

Seriously, do you realize those lines in the road are to keep you in your lane?  Not to drive between?  Also, turn signals were NOT made by Satan as previously suggested, its ok to use them, I promise… I mean you’re all going to hell anyways… but come on is it really that hard to shift you have a half-inch to click your blinker on? ( In the direction you are turning please. )

I have decided to smite ( over time ) any and all humans that have that stupid jesus fish sticker on their car.

All of them.

Smity Smite SMITE!


3 Comments »  

18

Apr

2009

I didn’t mean to create you…

By God. Posted in Hi I'm God | 1 Comment »

Have you ever poured a cup of coffee and forgot about it?  If so, you know that after about 7 days of not cleaning that cup, fungus starts to develop.  After a while, that fungus begins to completely over-take said cup to the point that not even the washer is good enough… you just have to throw the damn cup away.

…that’s pretty much you guys.

Stop looking for some greater meaning to the world around you, I didn’t plan you, and I don’t really have an interest in you.

…I just cant find a coat hanger big enough to get rid of you.


1 Comment »  

9

Apr

2009

And on the 9th day…

By God. Posted in Hi I'm God | 1 Comment »

..of April, 2009, I said, let there be… hold on let me ask Lucid what this is…  OH! Blogs!  I said let there be blogs!  Yeah.. that’s what I said. 

At any rate, welcome to my… blog?  I just sort of plan to talk about my days here, you know, being God. The things I do… or don’t do… which is the vast majority mostly.

So stay tuned, I don’t have time to go into details right now, I have three Asian lady boy’s that are begging for some divine lovin’.

Stay classy, internet.


1 Comment »